Women are more well-known for talking about their feelings. But just because they may not say much (or anything) doesn’t mean that men are devoid of emotions. When a couple divorces, two people are splitting up. And the guy (being just as human as the woman) will have some emotional hills to climb. Sam J. Buser, PhD. Co-authored a book that deals with this very topic. In The Guys-Only Guide To Getting Over Divorce, are some mistakes that men tend to make when trying to move on.
It is commonly believed that men seem to bounce back from a break-up faster than women. A woman will still be mourning the loss while the man is already on his third date. Never mind whether this is statistically accurate. That is a whole other debate unto itself. But let’s assume it is true. The more important question is “is it healthy?” And the answer is no. Men often jump into another relationship too quickly after the last one has ended. They seek to avoid the feelings of loneliness and vulnerability, but fail to take the time to heal. The new relationship typically doesn’t last. And so goes the cycle. Men need to take time by themselves. Then the next step is casual dating. Emphasis on the word casual. Dr. Buser actually advises that men wait at least 2 years before their next relationship – though he admits no one has ever lasted that long.
Another big mistake is to go in the polar opposite direction and become a hermit. Isolation is not the answer. It leads to depression and substance abuse. Call up an old friend and go to a game. Join a softball team or a professional organization. Websites like meetup.com provide numerous avenues to meet new friends and explore hobbies and interests. And never discount the importance of family.
