How Not To Tell An Ex About Getting Remarried

After a divorce, some couples choose to keep their distance as much as possible. Others, often for the sake of the kids, must remain in regular contact. And as life goes on, it’s almost inevitable that one of them will eventually have to tell the other about a remarriage. There are right, albeit awkward, ways of sharing the news. There are also wrong ways.

Letting an ex find out on the internet may seem like the least confrontational way of telling them, but it’s also a copout. To see a relationship status change on a Facebook page without a heads-up can feel like a slap in the face – especially if the divorce is still new. It is also jarring to find out from mutual friends and acquaintances. The friend may assume your ex already knows about the engagement and mention it casually. Now he or she has to deal with the emotion of the news while saving face in front of the messenger. Children are also a wrong choice for a messenger. It’s a little hard to come off as a united front when mom and dad aren’t even sharing major life events like a wedding. And it puts the other parent in an awkward position in front of the kids.

It may seem like the unease of telling the ex will take away from the joy of your upcoming wedding – and in the moment it might. But extending them the courtesy of telling them personally is the best option, especially if there is regular contact or if children are involved. There may be discomfort in the moment. But at the end of the day, at least there’s respect.


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Our team includes attorneys licensed to practice in multiple states including April D. Jones in California, Patrick G. Barkman in Texas, the Cherokee Nation, the Northern District of Texas, and the District of Colorado (United States Court of Appeals 10th and 5th Circuit).