Everything You Need to Know About the Men You Date After Divorce

Dating when you were in your say, late teens to late twenties about 18-27, is a completely different game than dating in your thirties. If you are just getting out of a divorce and are worried about swinging back into dating, don’t be! There is nothing to worry about or not as much as you had originally thought.

Before you were married, you dated a few guys I’m sure. But what you held onto from that is the negative idea you have of dating. Men in their earlier years are quite different once they get into their thirties. There are some surprising differences you will find; now this is NOT to say that every guy becomes Mr. Wonderful and Perfect in his thirties. But what I’m trying to tell you is MOST men will change quite drastically around this point in their life. Some of those changes are outlined below.

  • He actually likes you! No more of the hemming and hawing over whether or not he is really into you and wants to be with you. And if he doesn’t, he will tell you! Sad, but that just means you can move on without wasting more of your time. This leads into the next point…
  • He is more honest. At this point playing games in a relationship is pretty much out the door. Don’t freak out if he doesn’t text you back right away and be thankful that he wants to hang out with you versus vegging on the couch! Most men in their thirties don’t “go out” like they used to, their idea of a good time is beer, tv and the sofa. If he includes you in this, all the better because this is where he probably feels most comfortable!
  • Sleep Apnea? Yes, sleep apnea. This is because men at this age work hard or harder than they did in their younger years. They may have also put on a few pounds since their twenties…and all of this can amount to stress that interrupts his sleep. So if he is a little cranky for no reason at times take a step back and look at his day to day. It’s probably not you, especially if you know there is nothing you did to make him cranky.
  • They too have a past. To think that you are the only person that has been heartbroken and divorced would be pretty naive. However, sometimes we lose sight that other people have shared our same experiences in this department. It may be that new guy you’re dating. If he isn’t sharing a lot with you, remember most guys are conditioned to not speak about their feelings. Tip: to help overcome this try friends first! Friends open up to each other; this will make a comfortable move into a relationship.
  • They like sex. Ok that one hasn’t changed much. What did change however, is sex is no longer all about him and his pleasure. He wants to please you and has a focus on what you like and don’t like.
  • Their job does not identify them. By now they probably worked out the finer details of their career and really appreciate what they do. They will be happy to talk about work but are also happy to talk about other aspects in their life that make them complete.

Now for the not so good news….as I mentioned before, not all men make this transformation in their thirties. Some just never grow up and this is what is referred to as the, “dude who never learned”. THIS is the guy you dated in that 18-27 age range. He is not good with relationships, may not have ever been married and wonders why he is single. He gets his identity from his job and most likely things he possesses. More or less he is still focusing on pleasing himself and not making any improvements to change. Try and stay away from this “dude” and don’t feel rude when you up and tell him “it’s just not working.” You’ve had enough of this experience with men previously and this is YOUR time, be with who makes you happy and whole!

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Our team includes attorneys licensed to practice in multiple states including April D. Jones in California, Patrick G. Barkman in Texas, the Cherokee Nation, the Northern District of Texas, and the District of Colorado (United States Court of Appeals 10th and 5th Circuit).