Is Lying to Your Spouse OK?

Everyone knows that the basic foundation of every relationship is honesty and trust. Being truthful helps build trust which is something that is slowly earned and easily broken. When the foundation of a relationship is built on lies, typically those relationships don’t last long because the truth has a tendency to come out and make itself known.

So is it always that black and white? What about the little white lies that we tell now and then? Or how about simply withholding the truth and only sharing bits and pieces of information instead of the whole story? Is that just as bad as lying? Many people are under the impression that white lies are acceptable because it is often better to spare your spouse hurt feelings than to be completely honest with them about everything. What they don’t know can’t hurt them, right? However, there is reason to believe that even white lies can be harmful to your marriage.

Here are the top three reasons why big lies and little white lies are detrimental to your marriage:

  1. The more lies you tell the easier it becomes
    This is comparable to any other type of situation. Once you eat your first cookie and you break your diet, it becomes much easier to eat a second cookie and another one after that. Once you smoke that first cigarette the second one doesn’t seem so bad. Once you start there is no way to tell if it will become a long-term habit or if it will be a one time occurrence. If lying does become a common occurrence then it will become difficult for you to differentiate between the truth and the lies and it can get very messy. Just remember that once you open that door, there is no telling if you will be able to shut it again or if the flood gates will swing wide open.
  2. Even little lies can destroy trust and bring you back to square one
    Time and time again people find out the hard way that the truth eventually comes out whether they want it to or not. Things have a tendency to come back around to you. One thing is for certain that it is much easier to tell the truth than it is to create a cover story for your lie. One lie turns into another and then you tell another lie to cover the last and after a while you become entangled in a web of lies.
    If your spouse ever does find out that you lied to them, it will make them question your integrity and it will begin to break down the trust between you. Trust is the glue that holds relationships together and when that is gone, what is left? If you want to maintain that trust and strong bond between you and your spouse the best way is to be completely open and honest with them.
  3. Lying is a tell-tale sign that your love does not run as deep as it should
    One example of love that runs deep is the love a parent has for their children. When parents see their children doing something they shouldn’t they discipline them out of love in hopes that they will grow from it and become wiser because of it. Discipline can be uncomfortable and painful for both parents and children. However, parents do it out of love so that their children will not make bad decisions later in life because they were never taught better. This same kind of love should run deep for your spouse. Sometimes it is hard to tell your spouse the truth and it could hurt them initially but in the end it is always better than dishonesty.

Knowing that, should you ever lie to your spouse? Food for thought.


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Our team includes attorneys licensed to practice in multiple states including April D. Jones in California, Patrick G. Barkman in Texas, the Cherokee Nation, the Northern District of Texas, and the District of Colorado (United States Court of Appeals 10th and 5th Circuit).