Top 4 Reasons Spouses Cheat & What To Do About it

Top 4 Reasons Spouses Cheat

  1. One person in the relationship has an unhealthy addiction to sex
  2. Some make bad choices while they are under the influence of drugs or alcohol and they do something they normally wouldn’t have
  3. One spouse is seeking revenge because their spouse had an affair in the past
  4. One spouse is yearning for attention so they seek fulfillment with someone outside of the marital relationship

No one can ever be prepared for that moment when they find out their spouse is cheating. It can be as if the ceiling is collapsing and the world as you know it has been turned upside-down. Emotions of anger, rage and denial could come rushing all at once and you could even feel physically sickened by the thought. Whether you found out over email, credit card records, over the phone, through a friend or from your spouse directly, nothing can ease the blow when you first hear the news.

Your spouse is having an affair.

What do you do? How do you react? Should you wait to confront them until you are in a more calm state of mind so you don’t say something that you will regret? Do you talk to someone else about it first to seek out advice? Do you go storming up to your spouse making accusations and shoving the evidence in their face?

If only there were rules of what to do in this situation and how to handle the initial confrontation. Unfortunately there is no wrong or right way to handle this type of situation. One thing is for certain and that is that you and your spouse have to have a serious talk. You need to seek out answers so you can better wrap your head around the affair. Some questions to ask include:

  • What drove you to do this?
  • Who did you have an affair with?
  • How long has this been going on?
  • Where did we go wrong?

Seeking out information is important and many times you will want to know every detail, no matter how painful it may be to hear. What should you do with this information? You probably haven’t thought that far ahead. So where do you go from here? There are several things that you must think through in order to feel grounded again and to get your feelings straight.

Here are a few helpful tips of things to do that can help you with this flooding of negative emotions.

  1. Write out what you are thinking and feeling and put it all down on paper. Don’t hold anything back just release all of your emotions through words. Then when you are done writing, don’t re-read it, instead immediately tear it up or burn it.
  2. Take a moment to think about what you want out of the relationship. Do you want to try and rekindle things with your spouse, do you want to seek out intense couple’s therapy or do you want to end the relationship? Think about your children (if you have any), what would be best for them? Do you want to talk to your spouse to hear their side of the story before making any decisions?
  3. If you do want to speak with your spouse make sure that the children are being cared for somewhere else where they won’t overhear your conversation. Find a quiet place to sit and talk and remember that it may not all be settled after one long conversation; you may need to set up several meetings like this to reach a resolution.
  4. Let yourself go through the five initial stages of grief which include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Some people go through these stages quickly and only once while other people need to go through this process several times in order to finally reach acceptance. Remember that acceptance is a process and it does not happen overnight and there is no timeline you need to follow.

So if you find out that your spouse is having an affair be sure to review these helpful tips in dealing with the initial shock. You can also speak with an experienced divorce attorney from our Denver Law Firm. Here at Jones Law Firm, PC we are here to provide support and compassionate legal guidance to families who are facing divorce and other serious family issues. We also have a network of family therapists that we work with that can help you through all types of family obstacles. Contact us today for a free case evaluation to find out how we can help you!


The information on this website is for general information purposes only. Nothing on this site should be taken as legal advice for any individual case or situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt or viewing does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.

Our team includes attorneys licensed to practice in multiple states including April D. Jones in California, Patrick G. Barkman in Texas, the Cherokee Nation, the Northern District of Texas, and the District of Colorado (United States Court of Appeals 10th and 5th Circuit).