10 Signs you are Ready to Start Dating After a Divorce
By Alisha Schmidt
Do you want to start dating again, but you feel insecure and overwhelmed by the thought of it? Are you questioning if you have healed enough from your last relationship to venture into the dating world again? I have created a list of 10 signs to answer these questions and help you figure out your dating readiness.
You are dating out of love rather than fear – Don’t let fear of doing an autopsy of the relationship and being alone drive your choice to date. Making the pain of the divorce go away and “getting over” your ex are not good reasons to start dating. Date because you want to meet new people to share time and grow with.
You aren’t consumed by thinking and talking about your ex – There is nothing worse than going on a date with someone who talks about their ex constantly. Talking about your ex occasionally is ok, but if you are still verbally processing the breakdown of your relationship and venting about your ex, that is a red flag that you are not ready to begin dating.
When asked why your relationship ended you can give a simple answer – Your answer should be simple and brief, and should not bring up intense feelings of sadness and anger. This is a good measure of determining how you are dealing with your relationship loss.
You know what your top 5 values are – I know individuals want to focus on what they want in someone else, but how about starting with yourself first. Why? Because once you have identified your own values, you have a good starting place to finding out if your potential partner supports your values. What are your values?
You have listed the 5 most important characteristics of your partner and they are not the extreme opposite characteristics of your ex – The focus is on making choices based on your desires and not your fear of repeating mistakes.
You have embraced being on your own – Not only are you comfortable being single but you are happy as a single person. Ask yourself if you are comfortable attending social events alone and how much you enjoy your own company?
You are happy with your social network of friends – You are ready to start dating once you have an established group of friends and have created a fulfilling social life. Do not look for a partner to fill this or any void in your life.
You are not letting your sexual desires navigate your choices – Even though you may be craving physical intimacy right now; dating to primarily fulfill this need is a quick and often un-gratifying fix. You could end up feeling worse afterwards than you did before you started dating.
You know that healing from a divorce takes a long time – It is ok if you are not completely healed from your divorce and you are dating but don’t let it halt the process. You are ready to start dating when you are able to continue growing and healing while dating.
You are capable of calling it off at any point – If you start dating someone and realize you no longer want to date this person, are you strong enough to make and carry out this decision?
If after reading this list you realize you are not far enough along in the healing process of your divorce to consider dating, that’s ok; I have help for you. My Divorce Recovery and Rebuilding Groups offer a safe, nurturing environment for you to heal from your divorce and learn tools to rebuild your life. You will learn how to use the pain of your divorce to deepen your self-awareness and create a more fulfilling life.
Contact me at 720-314-9425 or www.denverdivorcesupport.com and start this process today.
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